and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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