those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
