I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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