trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
