did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I need water and some morals
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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