1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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