Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
