Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
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Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
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I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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