is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
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knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
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i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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