i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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