Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
