Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
