hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
