I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
