I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
