I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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