ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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