theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
