If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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