Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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