come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
