I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I didn't notice because vodka
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
