i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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