There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
