found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
3pm strippers are depressing
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I did not marry a roomba.
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