Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
