Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
