Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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