kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
