I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
