After last night, I could never be a politician.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
did i walk over a car last night?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
