A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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