I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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