Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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