Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just google imaged poop.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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