Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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