He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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