dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
