we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
