i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
