While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
