dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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