This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
