her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
