the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
