Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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