whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This baby is an asshole
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
