get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
