Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
