he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
