brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
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