Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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