at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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