My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
