I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
