But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i need some magic done to my vagina
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
