My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
