that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
