I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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