He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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