He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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