ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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