Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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