Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
