Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
