I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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