I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
