i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I would fuck him just for his dog
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
