Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
