Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
