Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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