How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
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like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
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Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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