Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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