an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
