He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She bit a glass in half.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Randomize
