I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
